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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159355">Smoke and Mirrors</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aztecl/pseuds/Aztecl'>Aztecl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Febuwhump 2021 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Deep Space Nine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Confusion, Episode: s06e21 Frame of Mind, FebuWhump2021, Gen, Hallucinations, I Blame Tumblr, Illusions, Mind Control, Mind Games, POV Julian Bashir, Psychological Torture, Unreliable Narrator, Whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:22:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aztecl/pseuds/Aztecl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian's heart fought against his ribcage, but the knot in his chest made any chance of escape impossible. </p><p>His hands felt slick. It was from the blood coating them. His nails felt cracked. It was from trying to fend off others taking him into custody. His throat felt dry and hoarse. It was the screaming erupting from his throat and sending shivers throughout the hospital. His mind felt numb. It was the plague of the knowledge that Julian had killed someone.<br/>___</p><p>Written for Febuwhump days one and two: Mind Control; "I can't take this anymore". Loosely based on TNG 6x21 Frame of Mind.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Febuwhump 2021 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Smoke and Mirrors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>You killed somebody. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You took away life with your own hands - the hands of a doctor, a healer who's sworn an oath. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Did you enjoy it? Yes yes yes... No no no. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But wait, are you a doctor?</em>
</p><p>"Go away," Julian mumbled to himself. "Stop, stop, stop. Go away."</p><p>He wasn't sure where the line was drawn, separating the delusions of his mind and the reality he'd woken up to. It was all just a massive blur of memories and feelings that didn't feel right in his head. Julian knew they couldn't belong to one lifetime. There was just too much happening that should be impossible.</p><p>There was a flash of blue and a face framed by dozens of small spots and a dark ponytail. A name was on the tip of his tongue, and yet Julian couldn't bring it any further. <em>Who was she?</em></p><p>Her lips moved but no sound came out. There was a dull ringing in Julian's ears. It rang - no, whined - with a passion. Everything looked and sounded fuzzy as he fought another wave of dizziness. He tasted bile in the back of his throat, and Julian realized he was sitting on the floor. He hadn't noticed amidst the unreadable thoughts scrambling around his head.</p><p>Another person sometimes stood beside her. He wore yellow and grey and had curly hair on top of his head. Then there were two people donning red - one with dark skin and the other with short firey hair.</p><p>There were four walls boxing him in. They were sleek and grey, but appeared more black in the parts where shadows dominated the light, which was really saying something with how the harsh overhead lamp seemed to burn his skin. Julian looked up (or maybe it was down) and spotted a similar surface staring back at him.</p><p>His hazy reflection glared. There was blood matted in his dark unruly hair; his hazel eyes lacked anything other than a coldness that could rival the coldest sectors of the galaxy; and when Julian brought a shaky hand up to further examine his appearance, he noticed more dried blood staining his chewed fingernails. <em>When did he do that? </em>His head swam.</p><p>
  <em>You killed somebody. You enjoyed it.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Julian must've fallen asleep, for the next time he opened his eyes, a man stood looking over him. There was a tingling warmness underneath him - someone had moved him onto the makeshift bed in the room's corner.</p><p>The man had ridges across his nose and cheeks, rippling in the artificial lighting. They faced upwards toward his ear slits and the hair that Julian decided to assume was hair. He was shaking his head ever so slightly as he looked down at Julian and studied him with rapt attention.</p><p>"It's a shame, really," the man said.</p><p>"W-what is?"</p><p>"Seeing all of your progress fade away in an instant. You were doing so well..."</p><p>Julian blinked a few times to clear his head. "What was I-I doing well with?"</p><p>The man simply sighed and turned on his heel.</p><p>"Wait!" Julian sat up, an action he almost immediately regretted. "Tell me! I need to know! Please, please, please..."</p><p>He exited through a door Julian hadn't noticed before, the panel closing behind him. It was a lighter tone of grey than the walls, and a small circular window sat in the middle of the frame. Looking out, he saw a hallway extending for what he estimated to be about ten meters. The man was walking away, writing something on a clipboard of some kind. The glow of the padd illuminated the lower portion of his ridged face.</p><p>
  <em>Did I kill somebody? </em>
  <em>I don't know...</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>"How are you feeling today?"</p><p>Julian took a deep breath. "I'm feeling alright. It's like there's a sensation of inner balance with myself."</p><p>"We're glad to hear it," the man - Dr. Cazke - said sincerely. "All of the others in the hospital missed you, so I've decided to let you have a bit of time outside your room today."</p><p>"That sounds wonderful. When can I go?"</p><p>Dr. Cazke stood up from where he was sitting across from Julian and thought for a moment. "You seem a little tired right now."</p><p>Right on cue, a wave of drowsiness made him feel heavier. His eyes felt like there was a weight pushing them down and down...</p><p>"Sleep well, Doctor Bashir."</p><p>Julian didn't even hear the doctor's words before drifting off into oblivion.</p>
<hr/><p>He slowly lifted the spoon to his mouth and sipped at the creamy soup someone had poured into his bowl. It was thin and runny, but Julian didn't mind. He was just grateful for being allowed out of his room.</p><p>The cafeteria was silent despite all the people who had gathered for mealtime. Everyone sat at a different table, occasionally exchanging a wary glance with the person closest to them. Julian sat at the flimsy table set near the door leading back into the main common room area. From there, a hallway led down to individual rooms at the back end of the hospital.</p><p>Julian didn't even notice when someone other than a patient or a doctor came in.</p><p>She sat across from him and stared him down. Julian continued looking down at his food before curiosity overtook his natural instincts. Stealing a glance, he instantly recognized her as one of his delusions - the one about living on a space station. Dr. Cazke had said it was merely an attempt to repress the memory of killing another person.</p><p><em>No,</em> he chided himself. <em>Don't think about that.</em></p><p>"Psst, Julian," she whispered.</p><p>Julian was downright confused now. He'd hallucinated before and had openly admitted that to Dr. Cazke, but none of the tricks his mind supplied on loop ever spoke to him. Maybe he really was going crazy. Maybe there was a bigger reasons to his being in the hospital. Maybe, maybe, maybe—</p><p>"Just hang on Julian. Benjamin and I are working on getting you out of here. You were abducted from the station a few days ago and then brought here."</p><p>
  <em>What station? </em>
</p><p>He didn't realize his breathing had gotten so raspy and strained until he started mumbling to himself again: "Go away. Stop, stop, stop. Go away. It's not real. I can't take this anymore."</p><p>"Julian, don't let them control your mind like this, please," the woman tried again. "It <em>is </em>real. Do you know who I am?"</p><p>He wanted to say no. He wanted to plead her to leave and get out of his life, to see her walk away and to never see her come back to wreak havoc on Julian again. But Julian had a crazy thought...</p><p>He met her intense blue eyes. "J-Jadzia?"</p><p>There it was again - the ringing. Julian's hands flew up to his ears as he desperately tried and failed to block it out. She responded to the noise and his obvious pain by smiling, her eyes crinkling and her cheeks flushing. His eyes darted around frantically. No one else seemed to notice except for a doctor chatting idly with Dr. Cazke, and even he was more focused on their conversation. Was the noise really just background filtration?</p><p>Something was wrong. He knew it.</p><p>Julian turned to look back at Jadzia, only to find that she was gone. There wasn't even any indication of her ever being there. Because she - no, <em>it</em> - was just an illusion.</p><p>"No," he said to no one in particular. A few stares burned into the back of his head, but Julian paid them no attention. "This is... What?"</p><p>He heard the scraping of his chair before he'd registered himself standing up. By now, Dr. Cazke had a worried look of concern written across his pale green eyes. Julian's head pounded as he spun in circles around the room and made his way towards the common room, quickening his pace into a light jog. There were footsteps chasing him around the corner.</p><p>Seconds later, when Julian looked back, he spotted only Dr. Cazke behind him. He slowed to an abrupt stop.</p><p>"It's a shame, really."</p><p>Julian's heart fought against his ribcage, but the knot in his chest made any chance of escape impossible.</p><p>His hands felt slick. It was from the blood coating them. His nails felt cracked. It was from trying to fend off others taking him into custody. His throat felt dry and hoarse. It was the screaming erupting from his throat and sending shivers throughout the hospital. His mind felt numb. It was the plague of the knowledge that Julian had killed someone.</p><p>
  <em>With the hands of a healer.</em>
</p><p>"You were adjusting well, Doctor Bashir."</p><p><em>Bashir... </em>Why was the name familiar again? And the title given? Something was wrong, but how could he find out what that something was?</p><p>"This isn't real," Julian blurted out. "Who are you?"</p><p>"I am Dr. Cazke, your doctor and guide towards a better future after your recovery," he explained patiently, as if he was used to the routine. "You had a traumatic experience. Do you remember?"</p><p>Streaks of memories and random thoughts ran wildly through his head. Julian grasped one and tried to make sense of it - him and the other hallucination, the one wearing yellow, throwing small objects at a wall? A big-eared person walking up to them and putting down two glasses of some kind of liquid? He couldn't make sense of them, however there was automatically a feeling of happiness associated with the strands of thought.</p><p>There were opposites of that too. Him and a new person with darkish skin yelling and arguing over jumbles of words and topics. Him pointing at a group of strange aliens in a small waiting area before an oddly sterile person came and took him away from the same man as before, and a woman standing by his side.</p><p>A person who carried an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Cazke, wrestling Julian's arms and hitting him over the head, the grey walls around them fading into darkness...</p><p>"I do remember," Julian said. "You abducted me and messed with my memory! Where am I?"</p><p>"That depends." Dr. Cazke's voice was uncharacteristically cold. "And I have a feeling that you know the answer."</p><p>Julian thought for a moment, inching further away. Have far could they have gotten from the station? He didn't think that Dr. Cazke and his associates could get away with carrying an unconscious man all the way to the docking ring, where a ship of some kind would be waiting. Unless...</p><p>"I'm on Deep Space Nine," he said breathlessly.</p><p>The illusion shattered into a thousand shards of melted glass. They clouded his vision with dark spots, but Julian still managed to make out the familiar design on the walls and ceiling above him - Cardassian. There was a harsh light over his head, making him squint and want to shut his eyes into oblivion.</p><p>He felt a heavy pressure on his head. Reaching up with both hands, Julian found a clip and unlatched it, lifting some sort of helmet device off of his head. Immediately the static in his head dissipated. There were blinking lights and even an exposed wire sticking out of the side by where his left ear had been. Julian struggled to his feet and realized that Dr. Cazke must've taken him to an abandoned part of the station. He lowered the headset to the floor.</p><p>The man in question was lying in a bed besides the one Julian awoke to. He hadn't yet adjusted to the light or sensation of being back in the real world, lacking the genetic enhancements that gave Julian the upper hand.</p><p>He ran over to Dr. Cazke - if that was even his real name - and pinned him down, grabbing his wrists. The man struggled for a few seconds before realizing it was futile, that he was no match for Julian's genetically enhanced strength. Miraculously, his combadge was still pinned to his wrinkled Starfleet uniform.</p><p>"Bashir to Odo."</p><p>"Go ahead," came Odo's gruff reply.</p><p>"I need a security team at my current location. Track my combadge's signal."</p><p>Moments later, Odo and a security team emerged into the dusty space. Three Bajorans grabbed Dr. Cazke and Julian took a step back, relieved.</p><p>"Are you alright, Doctor?" Odo asked, eyeing him over and spotting no obvious injuries.</p><p>Julian smiled and tried to slow his racing heart. "Nothing a bit of rest won't fix."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments, kudos, and bookmarks are greatly appreciated! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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